What! You don't have my memories???

This is my and my bro, Nick. I think I'm almost 3, and he's a few months old. Anyway, can't you tell I'm obsessed with him! Loved him then and I still do!

I was talking on the phone with my brother Nick a while ago and he said a comment, that he meant no harm by, but it still struck me as odd. When reminiscing about our childhood together he told me "Yeah, but we NEVER got along, we fought like cats and dogs."

At first I was stunned and hurt because I have so, so, so many memories of my brother and I playing, laughing, and building forts. We would sneak around the house looking for christmas presents and try our hardest to convince the other to share what they found. "I know what you're geeeettting!!"

I'm sure he just told me what I was getting... 

 Memories of finding money around the house and running to the PX to buy candy (that was the military bases version of 7-11 or connivence store). Thoughts of teaching him his ABC's or 123's. I remember doting over him when he was a baby and loving on him like he was my very own living doll.

Of course being brother and sister we did fight, especially when he crafted a bow and arrow out of a stick and a rusty ol' nail he found in the yard and then he proceeded to shoot it at me from the top of the stairs. (He just grazed my arm, but it stuck right in the wall behind me!). Or when I got all the underwear from his drawer wet and put them in the freezer, leaving him no underwear for school the next day. (Little did I know how unconcerned 7 year old little boys were about their underwear; whether it was wearing them, or washing them.) Then I did it again at one of his birthday parties (I also got all his friends underwear that time!)

You can't see me but I'm positive that he's aiming that gun at me. Okay, maybe not...

But overall I remember growing up with love between us and having so much fun together as well. We weren't just siblings in my eyes we were companions and friends, who occasionally squabbled... but mostly rough housed and played together.

Here we are exploring

Here we are posing with our pumpkin. (On a side note: I have really matured)

Here are our tiny heads in a little log house. 

Can you feel the LOVE! (Elmyra Duff)

But he doesn't necessarily remember it that way.

Then it struck me. Most of my vivid memories are from when I was older... around 11 or 12... (I have earlier memories, but I'm talking about the most prevalent and quickly recalled memories), and when my brother was 11 or 12, that meant I was 13 and a half or 14 and a half. And of course at that time I didn't want my little brother around me as much. I still loved him, but I wanted my own space to grow, and hang out with my friends, listen to music or talk about all the boys I liked at school. I didn't want my little brother having that knowledge, who would??? The fear that he'd use against me later, or even worse, that he might run up to that boy at school and tell him of my undying love for "insert random boy's name here"! Knowing my mischievous brother, either of these were always an option!



One more story.... Last one I promise!

He once hung a pair of my underwear at the front door, after having colored them brown WITH A MARKER and posting a sign below that read "Bri's Panteees". He did this as soon as we got home from school, then the door bell started ringing, it was all our friends wanting to play. Little did I know I was chatting it up with them while a pair of MY UNDERWEAR was right by my face, on the outside of my house!!! I didn't find out until later when my dad came home from work and asked, "Bridgie, why are your underwear outside by the door?". I was mortified, Nick was elated. And the cutest boy ON-THE-BLOCK came to my house that day! The universe is cruel. (And we obviously thought underwear were hilarious!)

So as hard as it is to realize that my memories don't coincide with his memories... I know that we did love each other very much, and still do. And all I can do is hope that my actions today (nearly 17 years later) can overshadow those adolescent memories he might have.  I know wasn't mean to him at all, my family really instilled in us, a love and care for family. Always saying "In the end all you'll have is family", and "Be good to your family, they are with you forever".

Here I am patiently waiting to hold my baby sister... they are twins.... so why aren't I holding a baby too!!!! That's obviously what I was thinking. 

I'm all for apologizing for past hurts, and admitting when I'm wrong, but in this case I really think it was just a difference in ages and seasons of life.  I don't feel guilt over acting the way I did when I was 13 or 14, I was a growing girl, in many ways (unfortunately none of them vertically. I'm only 5' tall!). Nor do I hold it against him for not remembering all the stuff I do.

Like this winner. I'm the one on the right. Yes I'm a girl. This is when my mom was cutting my hair to look like Dorothy Hamilton... I guess she was cutting Nick's  hair like hers too. I don't know which one to laugh at harder. 

It's natural and healthy to have space between siblings as they grow, change, and mature. I guess this is just another one of life lessons, my actions of love and caring weren't remembered because he was too young, but they did happen and still have a strong hold in my memory. And his memories will not change mine. Although I hope someday that we can build new memories, ones built on who we are today. So now I'll focus my energy in that direction!

Seriously. Love.